To some people, ‘No’ is just a word used to express negativity but to others it’s a lot more than that: it is a way they create healthy boundaries, exert authority and shield themselves. Saying No is more difficult than saying yes because it is easily misunderstood and sometimes difficult to articulate.
Most people have become slave to another because they haven’t mastered the art of saying No. This article is for you.
THE IMPORTANCE OF NO
1. No can be used to acknowledge personal responsibility and set self limits. For example, a friend invites you to join the already crowded ‘Yoruba Demons’ Association (if that’s a thing), but instead you say “No, I cannot join your association, because I’m not comfortable with your mission.” Not so difficult. Right?
2. No can be used to create healthy boundaries between ourselves and others. Let’s say you detest smoking and you have a friend who smokes like a chimney, you can create a healthy boundary by requesting he doesn’t smoke in your house or around you.
3. No can be used to assert authority in the case of parents and kids. Ever had a 12 year old who asked to take your car out for a spin? You can’t say yes to such request because the consequences can be costly. Yes, the 12 year old might whine, slam the door and become typical but that doesn’t mean you should change your mind to please your child in this case.
4. No can be used to create self discipline. A chubster who wants to lose weight can’t expect she can lose the weight by eating pizza or eating late at night. Self discipline is always needed unless we want to take the path of least resistance. The bottom line is to say No to ourselves when it has to do with self destructive impulses. Be wise with your No because it pays off.
5. No protects you from exploitation from others.
HOW TO SAY NO
- Know the difference between NO and selfishness. Don’t say No because you want to oppose something or someone stubbornly.
- Be as polite as possible like saying: “No I’m not comfortable with that.”
- Try the Oreo Cookie Communication Strategy by saying something positive in the start but ending with something else. like saying: “This is nice but I wont be able to…” It is a subtle way to deliver a powerful No.
- Be calm as possible. Maintain a zen posture.
- You can also use this technique: “I will think about it…”. This helps you soften your language.
What do you think?
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